I want to continuously say, “As a new mom…” But here’s the kicker: I have been a mom for over a year now! Sure, I am new to this one-year-old stuff, but I’ve definitely outgrown my “new mom” pants.
Over the past year I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned that anger may want to be the first emotion to pop up, but remaining calm and patient goes a long way. Raising babies can be so mentally draining you will pass out from exhaustion the first chance you get – even if it only lasts 30 minutes. However, I believe the most important thing I’ve learned this past year is to give myself grace.
What do I mean by that? It’s simple. Do you feel the need, as a stay-at-home-mom, to always have the house clean? Or dinner on the table the minute your husband gets home? Or meals to be planned, toilets to be scrubbed, and your appearance to be, well, acceptable? (Let’s get real, acceptable is the new done-up).
I’m a perfectionist. I felt like, if I wasn’t doing it all, I wasn’t doing enough. It broke me mentally in so many ways. Why was I fatigued more? Why was the simple task of doing dishes too exhausting? Why is the baby having another sleep regression? Why can’t I have dinner ready every night?
The truth of the matter is we expect everything to be exactly the same after we welcome these small bundles of joy into our lives. How in the world can that be possible? You have added a new human into your home and routine. There is absolutely no way things will remain the same.
I never knew exhaustion until I had my daughter. I never truly understood how utterly selfless being a mother is. I learned how strong my relationship with my husband was because he was certainly neglected while I got through my baby blues and postpartum healing and stepped comfortably into my new role.
And I learned that this was all okay. I couldn’t be the best wife or mother I was capable of being without rest, without time, and certainly not without grace. I lowered my standards, I welcomed the unexpected, I learned to say, “no.”
I had to trust myself and know that, despite what the media portrays or what I push onto myself, I was doing okay. I was there for my daughter, even if I angered sometimes. I was there for my husband, even if dinner wasn’t always ready by the time he got home.
At this point in our lives or, if you will, this season, I may forget to answer a text, return a call, or make solid plans. I may not have the mental capacity to remember exactly what I told you before and end up repeating myself. I may not have a social life or have to say no when asked to do something. I plan a lot of my schedule around my daughter because she comes first; in this season, she is most dependent. I didn’t have her to not put her first and not be there for her.
Most importantly, I take time to myself, whether it’s a quick bath, a short walk, a cup of coffee in the hours of the morning before my daughter wakes – I take anything I can. Because even if the floor is littered with toys or the dishes aren’t all clean, my daughter is happy and our hearts are full.
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