In my last post I shared a pretty tough story about our infertility journey. Well our story did have a happy ending and I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl on September 25, 2017.
It took us three years to get pregnant and then another nine months of growing a human. That’s a long time to read up on all the latest information of how to be a parent.
First off, let me say that being a new mom is HARD. Your body just took nine months to grow a human, labor for hours to push said human out, and then you’re eternally exhausted because you now have to care for the living being you just brought into this world. Forever. It’s a life deal. No take-backs. And nobody talks about postpartum.
So here’s the scoop. These are the top 7 things I wish I had known.
- You are more than likely not going to have a “THIS IS IT” moment. I mean, I thought it was going to hit me all of the sudden, but that’s not the case. I had steady and consistent (sometimes painful) contractions for 3 weeks prior to going into labor. I kept being told, “You will know when they’re real.” And I did. But it happened so gradually that it took me 3 hours of pestering from my husband before I even called the hospital.
- Labor will be the longest and shortest time of your life. I swear. I was in labor for 21 hours (which I totally thought wouldn’t happen to me) and it felt like a blink at the same time that it felt like forever. At the end of that road you know you’re meeting the most beautiful little bean ever, but you’re also in pain every couple of minutes.
- Your birth will most likely not go according to your plan. Like I mentioned before, I had a long time to make plans. And my L&D team was amazing and kept my plan out for everyone to reference. I said no epidural. But I was stuck at 6cm for hours. No progression. My body was shaking uncontrollably with each contraction happening every 5-6 minutes. It took a little prodding from my husband but I finally agreed to an epidural. It was a little rough being numb but thankfully I was able to feel the urge to push. And no tearing! #blessed
- It’s okay to let the nurse take your baby. I was going on a good 40 hours of no sleep after I delivered and for some reason I couldn’t fall asleep (perhaps it was that beautiful newborn baby I just met?). The nurses kept offering to take her so I could rest but I was so afraid after everything we’d been through to get to this point that if she left my sight something would happen. This led to absolutely no sleep for the first week of her life. I had never known exhaustion like I did that first week. It would’ve been nice to have a couple hours of good rest at the hospital before bringing my baby home.
- Your milk doesn’t come in right away. My little bean was born at 6lbs 11oz so she was this tiny little thing who screamed her first 2 days of life because she was hungry but wouldn’t latch. It broke my heart and I felt like the biggest failure of a mother because I promised myself I’d exclusively breastfeed. But here’s the kicker: I had no idea my milk would take 3 days to come in. Once my milk did come in, she was a breastfeeding champ and ended up gaining 2lbs in 3 weeks! Lactation consultants and support groups are a must for breastfeeding because you are doing the best you can and that’s all you can do. Listen to your body and your baby and remember that it’s all a huge learning process and everything will work out.
- Healing is absolutely awful. And you will cry. A lot. The second night I was home I was bawling to my husband because I didn’t know what size fruit our daughter was going to be that week. I delivered at 38 weeks. I felt like I was missing out on my weekly updates–like I had nothing to look forward to anymore. All that excitement building up to the moment of birth and…then what? It was like a huge plateau. It was supposed to be this glorious moment of pure bliss but what actually happens is your body is expelling 9 months worth of fluids. If you delivered vaginally then your entire downstairs is swollen and aching, you can’t sit, can’t stand, you may have swelling in your feet and legs from always laying down but you’re too damn dizzy and nauseous to walk around. On top of all that your body is going through, you’re expected to take care of a newborn baby who doesn’t understand how to be a baby just as much as you don’t understand how to be a mom. Worst of all, your big belly that you’ve had for months? Yeah, it’s still there. You hate how you look, you have a million hormones running around your body, and pretty much after all of that you just want to lay down and cry for a good solid week. But you can’t. And that makes you cry more. So cry! Cry it all out and know that it’s completely normal. And one day you’ll stop crying because you’ll feel better when you recognize that certain cry from your baby means she’s gassy. You’ll feel like a million bucks when you get her to sleep and she’s content and beautiful lying there. You’ll cry again because, hey, you made her and carried her and delivered her into this world.
- The bliss comes but it takes time. Over the past 2 months I’ve learned that patience is key. My body is returning to normal. The bleeding does stop. The swelling does go away. Sleep does happen. Breastfeeding stops hurting when your body and baby get used to it. You start to fall into routines that work according to both you and your baby. Your life doesn’t consist of sitting in that nursing chair day and night. You can travel, go to the store, go out to eat. Your baby learns that you are her mother and she loves you; she’s happy with you and will be content in your arms or when you’re near. You’ll watch her develop her skills (like recognizing your face and voice and going cross-eyed when she focuses on something). Periods of content-ness will happen more frequently.
I thought that because I had been dealt a difficult hand and wanted motherhood so much that my baby would be perfect and I’d never lose my patience. That’s not true. Wanting it didn’t make it easy. I have had to learn that I’m not really in charge of everything anymore. My wants and needs certainly don’t come first (and hot food is definitely a luxury). I may have to cut plans short or cancel them altogether. But these moments are fleeting. In just 2 months my baby is growing right before my eyes. So I’ll enjoy these cuddles and being stuck in a chair sometimes. I’ll embrace the crazy and messy moments. And I’ll continue to fall in love over and over again every time I look at my beautiful baby girl.
You’ve got this, mama. It’s 100% worth it.
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