Home Rhythm

I noticed from a young age that my daughter really thrived when our home had a certain rhythm. I worked hard to incorporate consistency in our days, to make them flow as best I could, and to incorporate a lot of Montessori methods into our home. I’d never classify us as a Montessori family, because we just don’t stick to all things Montessori (totally allow tv time and high chairs and cribs), but we encourage and provide a can-do attitude and rhythm within our home.

That being said, I wanted to share some of the best methods that have really given our children a sense of belonging, fostered independence, and built confidence.

Let them do.

Sounds simple enough, right? It’s not! So many times you want to say no because you think you know better. Do you know what the best teacher is? Experience. Doing. I remember letting my daughter up at the stovetop with me, learning that it was hot, where to safely place her hands, and how to cook scrambled eggs when she was just shy of two-years-old. It came a lot more naturally with my son and he probably stood up with me sooner than my daughter did. Both of my children touched the hot stove or the hot pan once–and only once. That was all they needed to learn that what mom said was true and they practiced what we call “safe hands” after that.

It’s so easy for us as adults to think we know best; to do for the child because it’s quicker, easier, or cleaner. It may be all of those things, but doing for them will never teach them. That’s why I said it’s difficult to do, but once you get into a rhythm of not doing for them, you’ll watch their abilities and confidence blossom.

Provide consistency.

I know some people who have strict schedules and sometimes I truly would like to follow one of those, but I definitely lean on looser but consistent schedules. For example, up until just recently, I woke with my kids. Meaning I never woke at exactly the same time every morning. But every morning was the same: coffee, breakfast for the kids, clean up, dressed, teeth, make our beds. I noticed simple tasks such as allowing my young toddlers to put dirty clothes in the hamper or dirty diapers in the garbage or dirty dishes in the sink provided them with a sense of belonging, rhythm, and purpose. My kids clean up after themselves at meals and have since they were quite young. Just recently, my two-year-old took an interest in helping me empty the dishwasher and he enjoys putting the silverware away. He knows what to do, which builds his confidence in the task at hand.

One of the biggest things I’ve noticed with my kids and consistency is that there are really no questions. It’s a simple routine we follow and they don’t think much of it. As they get older, they will receive more responsibilities; not because they have to do chores, but because they’re part of our functioning and rhythmic family life and home. Knowing what to expect has also helped with tantrums, which I’m sure we can all do without.

Set boundaries.

This may sound a little silly, but when I’m drinking my first morning cup of coffee, my kids know to leave me alone. I’ve explained (and I still do to my youngest) that this is my time to wake up so I can take care of them because I love them. I ask for 30 minutes of time in the morning to enjoy my cup of hot coffee. I’ve set a boundary. Do you know what they do? They play or sit with me or read or enjoy 30 minutes of “me” time as well.

I’m perhaps a little more strict in my rules and boundaries than some, but I stick to them and my kids understand. We have a very child-friendly home. My kids are able to do most everything by themselves. That’s the Montessori idea. However, my son still thinks it’s cool to play in the toilet so we keep that door shut. Boundary. We learn personal boundaries, such as personal space and appropriate touches. It’s always a learning moment when my daughter, who is very interested in book work, sits down to work and my son, very interested in tormenting her, has to be told to leave her work alone. That’s her work. I’ll protect that space for her if she can’t. But essentially boundary setting isn’t necessarily limiting. It’s simply allowing our children to understand and be sure of what’s right or acceptable behavior in the home.

Allow them time.

This is one of my biggest challenges. It goes along with letting them do for themselves. It takes longer for them to complete a task because they’re learning. It also takes them longer to process spoken information. Imagine being rushed constantly to fit the needs of someone else. That would be entirely frustrating and draining. We need to allow our kids the time to process information, time to do things on their own, and time to make mistakes, learn, and grow. We need to provide this safe space for them at home which allows for this.

We are working on learning to live within the current season. We’re working on learning to slow down our days, our lives, our minds. It’s so hard in a world that is constantly going. This is something new we’ve been practicing and what’s crazy to me is that all we have to do is just pause. We don’t need to pack our schedules, we don’t need to do a million activities, we don’t even have to come up with crazy seasonal bucket lists! (Crazy, right?). But what I’ve noticed is most important for maintaining a smooth home rhythm with my children is when they feel sure of themselves. They know how to act, where they belong, and how to do things themselves. Consistency provides the ability to build confidence. And with all those lovely skills learned right here within our four walls, we’re finding our rhythm.